If I don't update soon, I'll go nutters!
This blog is half-dead I know, but I am too lazy to blog at home. I don't think its' safe to blog at work. Nonetheless, I can't stand it any longer ... its' not wise to use facebook as a blog so here I am.
Sometimes I can't understand myself -In fact, till now I don't know myself I would say. I wonder if there's anyone around who could really know who I am ... I felt like I'm in a mist of fog; not knowing how or why I'm here. I have no objectives in life, no goals and no aims. I felt simply empty and goes about the daily life simply.
Yes, I fret and experience normal feelings that human beings does but still I don't know why I'm feeling all those feelings, its' like there's no reason behind it. I get the urge to cry at times, but I can't seemed to see a logic reason behind my urge to suddenly cry. Sometimes I worry, but don;t know I'm worrying about what ...
During schooling days, Its' just a routine for me. I never make much an effort to study cause I have no aims or purpose in life to work towards to. When young, the school teachers will ask what we want to be when we grow up. My answer differs each time with different reasons; (Lawyer/Doctor/Actress/Singer/Career Women/etc.) I can't remember exactly what I want to be now ... Because the choices are too wide and too much from all different sectors, I fail to make up my bloody mind about it. So I let nature run its' course and not putting in too much effort in either prospect of the subjects.
When comes to teenage days, the school I pick before PSLE was not well-planned as well. I was thinking, okay so I went into HKSS. Starting out from Express Stream, the subjects suddenly becomes too much for me to handle. Geography seems foreign to me, and my first impression is I don't like this! Physical Fitness has never been my favourite, Mathematics suddenly becomes too complex for my liking and for English I;m always on borderline cases.
No friends in my class, makes me a loner. Not having common topic among classmates makes me different from the rest of the girls, and the boys only enjoy bullying antics. My temper becomes apparent, and the rest of my secondary school days are basically hell. With socializing area a mess, I've got nothing to look forward to during schooling days. My interest in studies went pummeling down the slope.
I drown myself in the world of animes and mangas, trapping myself in the fantasy world to get away from reality. A rift between a friend of mine back then caused me to sink into 'depression' when it comes down to the idea of 'friendship'. I settled for acquaintance instead.
When O level came out unsatisfactory, I was thinking so what - Go ITE lor ... So its' time to pick course again, seeing as I only wanted to pick Higher Nitec Courses my choices are limited. In the end, I pick Business Admin. Here in ITE, I make my closest and longest lasting group of friends - the 2 years in ITE are my happiest I would say, apart from my primary school days. Still, the course itself I had no preferences about it.
Upon graduation, its' time to start work - but am still in a young and playful mode and does not want to be committed fully to a job just yet. Thus I pick a job in the environment that I love, and had past experience in - a comics rental store. Here I met new friends, colleagues and good superiors. Now though, I'm no longer with them but working a 9to5 job which I pick only because the location is near my home, and Eve used to work in such an environment and its' a new thing so I want to try it out. Now as I look back and I realized I've been living a life blindly. 1 month into new job, I had broke down once and near breakdown twice ... What a mess I am!
Sometimes I can't understand myself -In fact, till now I don't know myself I would say. I wonder if there's anyone around who could really know who I am ... I felt like I'm in a mist of fog; not knowing how or why I'm here. I have no objectives in life, no goals and no aims. I felt simply empty and goes about the daily life simply.
Yes, I fret and experience normal feelings that human beings does but still I don't know why I'm feeling all those feelings, its' like there's no reason behind it. I get the urge to cry at times, but I can't seemed to see a logic reason behind my urge to suddenly cry. Sometimes I worry, but don;t know I'm worrying about what ...
During schooling days, Its' just a routine for me. I never make much an effort to study cause I have no aims or purpose in life to work towards to. When young, the school teachers will ask what we want to be when we grow up. My answer differs each time with different reasons; (Lawyer/Doctor/Actress/Singer/Career Women/etc.) I can't remember exactly what I want to be now ... Because the choices are too wide and too much from all different sectors, I fail to make up my bloody mind about it. So I let nature run its' course and not putting in too much effort in either prospect of the subjects.
When comes to teenage days, the school I pick before PSLE was not well-planned as well. I was thinking, okay so I went into HKSS. Starting out from Express Stream, the subjects suddenly becomes too much for me to handle. Geography seems foreign to me, and my first impression is I don't like this! Physical Fitness has never been my favourite, Mathematics suddenly becomes too complex for my liking and for English I;m always on borderline cases.
No friends in my class, makes me a loner. Not having common topic among classmates makes me different from the rest of the girls, and the boys only enjoy bullying antics. My temper becomes apparent, and the rest of my secondary school days are basically hell. With socializing area a mess, I've got nothing to look forward to during schooling days. My interest in studies went pummeling down the slope.
I drown myself in the world of animes and mangas, trapping myself in the fantasy world to get away from reality. A rift between a friend of mine back then caused me to sink into 'depression' when it comes down to the idea of 'friendship'. I settled for acquaintance instead.
When O level came out unsatisfactory, I was thinking so what - Go ITE lor ... So its' time to pick course again, seeing as I only wanted to pick Higher Nitec Courses my choices are limited. In the end, I pick Business Admin. Here in ITE, I make my closest and longest lasting group of friends - the 2 years in ITE are my happiest I would say, apart from my primary school days. Still, the course itself I had no preferences about it.
Upon graduation, its' time to start work - but am still in a young and playful mode and does not want to be committed fully to a job just yet. Thus I pick a job in the environment that I love, and had past experience in - a comics rental store. Here I met new friends, colleagues and good superiors. Now though, I'm no longer with them but working a 9to5 job which I pick only because the location is near my home, and Eve used to work in such an environment and its' a new thing so I want to try it out. Now as I look back and I realized I've been living a life blindly. 1 month into new job, I had broke down once and near breakdown twice ... What a mess I am!
posted by joanne at
10:11 AM
